By Nairobi River I’ll Sit Down And Weep

I promised myself one thing. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this.
…

A while after a post I’d done put me on #KOT feminists Misogynist list, I was at a friend’s place. The son of a strictly-speaking single-mom tenured activist, chatting about insignificants when the off-the-internet fight my post had caused between myself and my sister came up. He listened to what I had to say and gave me the best piece of advice I might ever have received. He told me as he was told by his activist/professor mother, re: women folk “Before you say anything realise; ‘You do not know what it’s like to be a woman.'” Maybe it was the fatigue in me from fighting with people over email and text and phone calls over my opinions. Maybe it was the dusky glow of a quiet Nairobi suburb with moms and dads coming home after a long day, Ngong Hills framing the background of the picturesque scene of city lights and evening stars from the lofty Smoking Section balcony. Maybe it was none of those things and simply hearing it said from a point of mutual understanding or whatever, but at that moment I vowed to not get involved in that debate again. You ask me my opinion? I don’t have one.
“Oh, what’s all this about female civic education in sub-urban dwellings?”
“I don’t know.”
“Hey, is #IamK gonna be doing something for women?”
“That question would be better posed to them, I should think.”
And on and on. Sure, if my close friends asked me off-the-record I might give a bit of an insight on my point of view, but all in all the mantra in my head when asked about anything about a gender that I do not belong to was; ‘I do not know what it is like to be a woman.’ And everything was okay. …Until last week.

I have nothing to say about #MyDressMyChoice or people stripped in the streets and if that’s what you’re here for go away.
-Me, Right Now.

Last week something happened that pissed me off. And this is the part of the post that will make most PC people stop reading. Blame it on the Immortal Technique albums I went through last night as  I went around shooting people up in Nuketown. Blame it on my misogyny and male privilege. Blame it on the radicalisation of Islam in the 21st Century. Blame it on the simultaneous ascendancy of the Republicans in the States and Ukip in Britain and the potential for Western Military intervention in the near future, possibly even in Kenya. Perhaps even before Obeezy clears his term. Blame it on whatever you want, because assigning responsibility requires acknowledging something, despite how blameworthy that something is.
I got pissed off when people poured in the streets protesting.
I have seen a fair few instances of mob justice. I have even been the one being harassed on one occasion. Blame it on sneaky people and misdirection. But I have never seen a protest, ever, over street justice. Their protesting an injustice isn’t what made me angry. What made makes me angry is when I think about all the people that have died since 2007 and not once (bar Raila’s recent 7/7 pseudo-protest) have I seen masses seeking justice. Taking the issue up to Parliament. Bullying the government. Civil disobedience. And no, not Bonny-fella. There’s Geo-politics there that I wouldn’t touch with a stolen back-scratcher.

List of Things that are Making Me angry:
1. People are dying unjustly? Bah. Let’s prioritize our fight for justice and say what a shame it is Kajwang’ is dead.
eg: Oh look, Saudi Arabia is pumping billions into East African radicalism. Let’s talk about whether Joho is literate.
eg: Oh Look! Bonny-fella wore a dress! That’s sooo brave! | Meanwhile, 22 people died in Baringo, clashing over water.
Why the fuck are we fighting for our so called dignity yet we don’t seem to give two shits that people are dying everywhere, all around us, for things that they shouldn’t be dying over in 20-fucking-14!!! And don’t give me that shit about better to die on your feet than live on your knees, I don’t see you going to join a movement where your life is at stake.
See also: Muslims in 2014 in certain parts of the world
See also: Just Politicians everywhere. Apart from Ron Paul. The only think killing him is life.
See also: Abortion clinic officials in certain parts of the world

2. The Hyprocrisy:
eg. Our current President and Vice-President were vehemently opposed to each other to the point people KILLED for them a couple of years ago. Isn’t that level of fanaticism astounding?! “I wonder what’d happen in an election if your people and my people joined forces…”
eg. “Dirty locals stripped of dignity, forcefully washed in public.” Oh no, THAT we’re okay with.

3. The appending of gender to an issue as if that makes it more of an issue than it was before:
eg. 6 people dead, including 4 women and a child. | Shit! 6 PEOPLE ARE DEAD!!!

4. “We need to talk to our children/younger siblings,” they said stoically.
I am guilty of this too by the way, until it was pointed out to me to be escapism. We don’t want to change ourselves so we’ll make a half-assed attempt at sensitizing the next generation without really addressing what it is that transforms decent kids into raging maniacs during adolescence. For instance, we were all raised right, right? And then what happened? We went to high school with that mjuaji who expanded our moral horizons didn’t we? The ones who told us the world is all about sex, drugs, music and alcohol, didn’t they? The ones who made us feel like shit for not having hooked up with as many people as possible, didn’t they? And we believed it mostly we did. Didn’t we? Didn’t we?!
Where is all the bile coming from? Broken homes? Flaws in the education system? Malnourished, kwashiokored children with lots of idle time? A fault of evolution? The original sin? Figure that shit out first and then look in the mirror before you brainwash the next generation unintentionally.

5. People Ragging on Feminists.
I have no love for feminism. None at all. That dead horse has been flogged on here too many times to justify any revisiting. But there exists a line between intolerance and hatred. And Hatred begins where intolerance ends. Hatred begins with abuse and slander and only God knows where your brand of anger will end on the Will Smith – Fabolous spectrum of crazy reactions. You don’t agree with feminism/feminists? That’s okay. That’s your opinion, to which you’re entitled. Acting on your opinion however, which results in oppressing another’s rights is definitely not okay. You don’t have to call them names. Let ’em be. And vice-versa.

6. I could go on and on and on.

I started this post to vent, knowing full-well that nothing I write is going to change what any of you think. I wrote this for me, to let go of this anger. Funny thing happened this morning, I flipped out on a Bakers Inn guy after he screwed up my order. To be fair, I asked him to confirm the order twice. He did, and screwed it up. Normally, I let things like that slide. Why give someone grief so early in the morning over something so trivial? Today, I couldn’t let it slide. I was furious. Only after leaving that establishment did I figure out the cause of my disproportionate anger and as soon as I got to my computer, I started typing this out.

Now I feel better.